The Hidden Influence of How We Speak at Work
In most professional settings, communication is the foundation of leadership. Whether it’s through meetings, presentations, performance reviews, or negotiations, the way managers speak—and how they’re heard—has a direct impact on outcomes. Decisions are made, reputations are formed, and actions are taken largely through verbal exchanges.
Yet what’s often overlooked is that it’s not just what you say—it’s how you say it that shapes perception and effectiveness. Research across various workplaces shows that conversational style can influence credibility, visibility, and decision-making power—sometimes more than the content itself.
One important factor? Gender-based communication patterns. Many women, for instance, use linguistic styles that unintentionally diminish how others perceive their confidence or competence. But this isn’t just about women—it’s about understanding that different speaking habits, often shaped by cultural or social norms, can produce unintended outcomes in professional environments.
By becoming more aware of these conversational habits, managers can become more effective communicators and more inclusive listeners, ultimately improving collaboration, performance, and equity.
Eight Common Communication Styles That Can Undermine Authority
Let’s explore several typical speaking patterns that are well-intentioned but can unintentionally lead to misperception or missed opportunities in the workplace:
1. Deflecting Credit by Saying “We” Instead of “I”
Many people use “we” to describe achievements to avoid sounding self-centered. While this humility is admirable, it can result in the speaker being overlooked for their contributions. Over time, they may hold back from offering ideas or advocating for themselves—leading to fewer growth opportunities.
Impact: They appear less capable or accomplished than they are, and their voice carries less weight in future decisions.
2. Underselling Confidence Through Modesty
Some individuals downplay their abilities or predictions to avoid appearing arrogant. Ironically, this cautious language can be interpreted as uncertainty, causing others to view the speaker as lacking vision or leadership potential—even when their ideas are strong.
Impact: Good suggestions may be dismissed, and the speaker may be seen as lacking authority or conviction.
3. Asking Questions Frequently
Asking questions can be a powerful tool for learning and collaboration. However, in some environments, frequent questioning is interpreted as a lack of knowledge or confidence, especially when not balanced with confident statements.
Impact: The speaker may be perceived as uninformed, and valuable insights can go unheard if they’re discouraged from seeking clarity.
4. Apologizing Too Often
Apologies are often used to show empathy or maintain harmony. But when overused, they can undermine a speaker’s perceived authority, making them seem unsure of themselves or overly deferential—even when the apology is simply meant to be polite.
Impact: The speaker may not be taken seriously, and their leadership may be questioned.
5. Softening Criticism With Positive Feedback First
Delivering constructive feedback by sandwiching it between praise can help protect relationships—but it may also dilute the urgency of the message. When weaknesses are downplayed or buffered too much, the recipient may not grasp the need for improvement.
Impact: Feedback loses its effectiveness, and needed changes may not happen.
6. Avoiding Direct Disagreement
Some people avoid challenging others’ ideas openly, or they hedge their own statements to avoid conflict. While this can create a peaceful environment, it may also cause others to overlook or dismiss their contributions as weak or underdeveloped.
Impact: They are perceived as lacking conviction, and their ideas may be undervalued.
7. Minimizing Achievements With Superiors
Many employees hesitate to discuss their accomplishments with upper management, fearing it will come across as bragging. However, when leaders don’t hear about contributions, they often assume little of note has been achieved.
Impact: The individual may be passed over for recognition, raises, or promotions due to perceived underperformance.
8. Being Indirect With Direct Reports
Some managers avoid giving clear instructions out of concern they’ll seem controlling. Instead, they use vague or softened language when delegating. While this can feel respectful, it often leads to confusion or misinterpretation.
Impact: Team members may see the manager as indecisive or unclear, leading to inefficiency and missed expectations.
Final Thought: The Way You Speak Matters
Ultimately, effective communication is about being understood the way you intend to be—and helping others do the same. Style matters just as much as substance. That doesn’t mean everyone should speak the same way, but it does mean we should be aware of how our words and tone are interpreted by different people in different contexts.
By cultivating awareness of conversational habits—and the unintended signals they might send—leaders can improve how they collaborate, coach, and influence. Likewise, creating space for diverse communication styles makes room for more voices to be heard and valued.
Learning to adjust your approach while staying authentic isn’t about manipulation—it’s about communication with intention. And in any leadership role, that’s one of the most powerful tools you can master.